My Journey Beyond Mirimiri

The life behind the hands that heal

Some journeys are difficult to explain. Some take a lifetime to understand. And some of the experiences that shape us most are the ones we carry quietly within ourselves.

When people meet me through my mirimiri practice, they generally meet Allan, the practitioner.

But there is another story behind that person.

A story that began long before mirimiri became such an important part of my life.

It is a story of childhood, identity, belonging, unexpected pathways, personal experiences, advocacy, challenges and discovering that sometimes the things that make us different are also the things that make us who we are.

I haven't travelled through life in a straight line. I have experienced different worlds, met extraordinary people, faced challenges and found myself in places I could never have imagined when I was younger.

And perhaps that is one of the things life teaches us: we don't always understand where our journey is taking us until we look back.

Childhood memories that stayed with me

Some of my earliest memories are connected to the world of our whānau and the traditional practices that were simply part of life.

I remember tohunga being called upon when someone was sick, particularly when there were things happening that couldn't necessarily be explained through the physical body.

Karakia was familiar to me from an early age. It was part of tangihanga, prior to haerenga, blessings of kai and the blessing of whare.

There was an understanding that life was about more than what we could see or touch. Wairua was part of our everyday world.

I also remember having warts covering my legs as a child and experiencing traditional healing.

At the time, I didn't think much about it. It was simply part of my childhood experience.

Looking back now, I sometimes wonder how much of what I witnessed and experienced as a child was quietly laying the foundations for the person I would eventually become.

Perhaps some things are planted in us long before we understand their significance.

Identity, adoption and belonging

Being adopted is another part of my story.

Identity and belonging are things that can mean different things to different people. For me, they are part of a much bigger journey of understanding who I am, where I come from and how the different parts of my life fit together.

There are questions in life that don't always have straightforward answers.

Sometimes we spend years understanding ourselves, making sense of our experiences and finding our own place in the world.

I have come to appreciate that our identity is not necessarily defined by one thing, one relationship or one chapter of our lives.

It is shaped by the people who enter our lives, the experiences we have, the connections we make and the choices we take along the way.

I am still learning about myself, just as I believe we all are.

Takatāpui – identity, acceptance and belonging

Another important part of my identity is being Takatāpui.

For me, Takatāpui is more than a word. It is part of understanding who I am, my identity and my place within Te Ao Māori.

Our identities are not always something we find easily or understand immediately. Sometimes they are things we grow into, reclaim, explore and come to embrace as we move through life.

Being Takatāpui is an important part of my journey, and something I am comfortable acknowledging openly.

I also recognise that not everyone has had the experience of feeling accepted, understood or safe to be themselves. For some, simply knowing that someone understands, or has walked a similar path, can make a difference.

This is something I carry into my mirimiri practice.

I want people to know that they are welcome in my space, regardless of their sexuality, gender identity, background or life experiences.

You don't need to fit into anyone else's expectations of who you should be.

You don't need to explain or justify yourself.

You are welcome to arrive exactly as you are.

For me, acceptance isn't just something we talk about. It is something we demonstrate through the way we treat one another.

Life doesn't always follow a straight line

My life has taken me into places and experiences that have challenged the expectations people sometimes have of others.

I have learned that people are rarely as simple as the labels society places upon them.

Behind every person is a story. Sometimes there is pain, sometimes there is strength, sometimes there is a little of both.

I have experienced different sides of life, and those experiences have helped me develop an appreciation for people from all walks of life.

I have learned not to be too quick to judge, because we never really know what another person has lived through.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons I value creating a space through my mirimiri practice where people can simply arrive as they are.

No explanations required. No judgement. Just respect.

The Whānau Who Walk Alongside Me

Behind my journey is also a life filled with love, connection and whānau.

I have been blessed to share 29 years of my life with my partner, Pete. Together, we have four tamariki and four beautiful mokopuna who bring their own special joy, laughter and meaning to our lives.

Whānau is an important part of who I am. They are woven into my journey, my values and my understanding of the importance of connection, belonging and aroha.

While much of my life has involved standing alongside others, advocating for those whose voices have not always been heard, and supporting people through their own journeys, my whānau remain an important part of the person I am beyond mirimiri.

They are part of my story too.

Finding my voice – advocacy and visibility

Another significant chapter of my life has involved sex work and sex worker advocacy.

My experiences have given me a personal understanding of the stigma, judgement and discrimination that sex workers can experience.

I have never believed that someone's occupation should determine their worth as a human being.

Sex workers deserve the same dignity, respect, safety and human rights as everyone else.

Over the years, I became involved in advocacy, contributing to conversations about decriminalisation, visibility, social justice and the rights of sex workers.

My involvement with the Aotearoa Sex Workers' Collective, including serving on its board and undertaking the role of Kaiwhakarae, provided opportunities to contribute to this work.

Speaking up hasn't always been easy, but I believe that lived experience matters.

There is something important about being able to speak from your own experience rather than having someone else speak on your behalf.

It is about visibility, acceptance and making sure that people whose voices are often overlooked have the opportunity to be heard.

Finding my way back to healing

Although my life has taken many different directions, my connection to healing has remained an important thread.

I undertook massage training in 1988, and I went on to complete a Diploma in Massage Therapy in 2000.

My appreciation of traditional Māori healing has continued to develop over the years and I have been in mirimiri practice since 2014.

As I have grown older, I have come to understand that healing is not always about finding an answer or making something disappear.

Sometimes it is about being heard.

Sometimes it is about feeling safe enough to let go.

Sometimes it is simply about having someone acknowledge what you have been carrying.

My own life experiences have influenced how I approach people and how I view their individual journeys.

I don't believe we should have to explain or justify who we are before we deserve kindness.

That belief is something I carry into my mirimiri practice.

The person behind the practitioner

I am not defined by one chapter of my life.

I am a collection of experiences, relationships, memories, mistakes, lessons, challenges and moments of joy.

There have been times when life has taken unexpected turns. There have been times when I have had to find my own way, question things I once believed and discover strengths I didn't know I had.

I have also been fortunate to meet people who have left lasting impressions on me and who have contributed to the person I am today.

I don't pretend to have all the answers.

I am simply someone who has lived, experienced, learned and continues to grow.

And perhaps that is what I want people to understand most about me.

Before being a practitioner, an advocate or any of the other roles I have held, I am simply a person with a story.

Where I am today

Today, my mirimiri practice brings together many of the things that have shaped my life.

My early memories of traditional healing, my learning, my experiences with people and my belief in acceptance and compassion all influence the way I approach my mahi.

I feel grateful to be able to offer something that connects me with both my past and my present.

Mirimiri is an important part of who I am, but my journey continues beyond it.

I don't know exactly what the next chapters will bring, but I know that every experience has something to teach us.

I have come to appreciate that we don't need to hide the chapters of our lives that others might not understand.

They are still our stories.

And they are worthy of being told.

Ko au tēnei. This is me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and for allowing me to share a little more of the person behind the hands that practise mirimiri.

Ngā mihi nui.